The classroom was alive with the hum of excited chatter, notebooks flipping and chairs scraping against the floor. Nia sat quietly to the side, observing the educational officer as they delivered a career and guidance presentation to eager high school students. The 4-quadrant model was up on the screen, its neatly divided sections sparking curiosity among the students. Their hands shot up with questions, their expressions a mix of confusion and fascination.

Nia watched as one student asked, “But where do I fit in?” Her colleague explained patiently, drawing connections between personality traits, interests, and career paths. Nia felt a strange pang in her chest. That question, simple as it was, stuck with her. Where do I fit in? She felt as though she was being pulled into the presentation itself, not as a facilitator, but as a participant. The students’ reflections were suddenly her own. It felt like she was looking into a mirror, seeing a high schooler version of herself staring back, searching for clarity she had never found.

Internal Conflict

That day triggered an avalanche of questions she couldn’t suppress. As she drove home, her thoughts spiraled. Why have I never asked myself these questions before? Why does my work feel so misaligned with who I am?

As she reflected more on her situation, her dissatisfaction became increasingly clear. Her job required her to perform in high-stakes social roles, where she had to speak confidently, network effortlessly, and handle unpredictable situations. The lack of structured processes at work left her feeling distressed. Even the constant office social gatherings felt like obstacles she couldn’t overcome. It seemed that every aspect of her job was designed for someone entirely different, a persona she was merely pretending to be. This internal conflict grew louder with each passing day until it became impossible for her to ignore it any longer.

Self-Exploration

When the emotional turmoil began to affect her work performance, Nia made a difficult decision: she resigned. It wasn’t a choice she took lightly, but she knew she needed a space free from judgment and expectations to reflect and discover who she truly was. In the quiet solitude of her “cave,” Nia started to untangle the threads of her identity, piece by piece, by asking herself honest and thoughtful questions.

Strengths and Abilities

Nia reflected on her past work experiences and the tasks she excelled at. She asked herself:

1. What types of tasks or projects did I enjoy most in my professional roles? Why?
2. When did I feel most capable and confident at work? What skills was I using?

Her answers revealed a clear pattern:

1. Analytical: She realized she had a natural talent for breaking down complex ideas into manageable parts, whether it was problem-solving, organizing data or planning.
2. Detail-Oriented: She identified her love for thoroughness and precision, recalling moments when colleagues praised her for catching small but critical details others missed.
3. Critical Thinking: Reflecting on her decision-making process, she recognized her ability to assess situations holistically, weigh options logically, and draw thoughtful conclusions.

Personality and Traits

As she delved deeper, Nia turned her attention to her personality and preferences. She began to understand why her previous roles felt draining and what environments made her thrive. She asked herself:

1. When do I feel most at peace or energized? What are the conditions or settings?
2. What kinds of situations make me feel restless, overwhelmed, or drained? Why?

Through this introspection, she discovered:

1. Introverted: Nia uncovered that she felt most energized in quiet, structured environments where she could process ideas internally. In contrast, roles with high social demands and unpredictable situations left her drained, as they conflicted with her need for calm and focus.
2. Perfectionist: She recognized her drive for excellence as both a strength and a challenge. While it fueled her ability to deliver high-quality work, it also added pressure and emotional strain when things felt out of her control.
3. Good Listener: Nia acknowledged her capacity to listen deeply and process others’ input carefully, an ability that made her empathetic and trustworthy in relationships, both personal and professional.

These traits helped her understand what she needed to create a sustainable and fulfilling life. Rather than fighting her introversion or perfectionism, she began to see them as integral to who she was.

A Life More Aligned with True Self

Determined to turn reflection into action, Nia enrolled in a course on qualitative research methods. For the first time, she felt like she was moving toward something that resonated deeply with her. For two years, Nia thrived in her new career. She was living her best life, feeling more aligned with her personality and skills than ever before.

The New Conflict

Just when things seemed to settle, a seemingly ordinary moment turned Nia’s world upside down. One evening, she stumbled upon a YouTube video. Initially, she clicked play out of curiosity, but within minutes, she was glued to the screen. As she listened, a sense of unease began to creep in. Was it introversion or social anxiety?

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How and When Did You know You Might Have Social Anxiety?

Realizing that something feels “off” can happen in different ways for everyone. For some, like Nia, it may be sparked by an external event, a particular moment that holds up a mirror and prompts you to question your experiences.

How about you? Did you always know something felt “off,” or was there a specific moment or situation that made you start questioning things? Did these feelings or suspicions first arise in adolescence or later in adulthood? We’d love to hear your story. Share in the comments how you realized something wasn’t right.