Why am I like this?

Nia had gone through her entire life wondering why she felt so different from those around her. She often felt deeply isolated, even when surrounded by people in close-knit settings. At school, her classmates easily formed friendship groups, scrawling secrets in folded notes and quizzing each other on blues lyrics between classes. At home, her siblings effortlessly filled rooms with laughter and warmth.

She didn’t fully understand what was happening to her. The concept of mental health was never discussed in her surroundings. At school, the term “stress” was the go-to word for everything: exam anxiety, missed deadlines, and romantic breakups. However, that was where the conversation ended. No one talked about anxiety, especially not social anxiety. So, she had no reason to suspect that what she was experiencing might be something more than shyness.

Framed by Friendship

Out of school, stress remained the catch-all explanation for everything that made Nia feel off balance. One afternoon, she came home from a job interview that left her drained. She curled up on the couch, half-wrapped in a blanket, replaying every answer.

Later that evening, her roommate Pesh pushed the door open with her elbow, juggling a takeout bag and keys.

“Reporting for debrief!” she called out, kicking off her shoes. “How’d it go?”

Nia barely looked up. “It was… not great.”

“Uh-oh.” Pesh dropped her bag and sat on the armrest. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Nia sighed. “Just too many people in the room. I could barely track who was talking. I lost my train of thought like five times. And one guy kept smiling at me strangely, like he was waiting for a punchline.”

Pesh handed Nia a box from the takeout bag as a way of offering comfort. “Well, you’re still a star in my book. Interviewers are overrated anyway.”

“Yeah,” Nia responded. “I slept the minute I got back.”

“You and those naps,” Pesh teased. “That’s your coping strategy for everything.”

“It works. I just sleep it off and reset.”

“See, I’d be out dancing to purge the stress.” Pesh said, gestured dramatically. “Sweat it out and distract the mind.”

“Clearly,” Nia replied softly. Then, after a pause: “I think I just operate differently. Like I need silence to breathe.”

Pesh nodded. “Sounds like introvert central.”

“Introvert?” “Is that what this is?” Nia asked

“Totally,” Pesh said. “You need alone time to recharge. I get energy from people. Classic introvert-extrovert stuff.”

Nia considered it for a moment. “Huh. That actually makes sense.”

From that day on, she began to see herself through the lens of ‘introvert’.

Building a Life Around the Narrative

In the months that followed, Nia landed a role that demanded constant client calls, back-to-back presentations, and impromptu office meetings. The lack of structure left her feeling emotionally depleted. It didn’t take long for her to realize she needed a working environment more aligned with how she processed the world.

She transitioned into remote qualitative analysis, a shift that offered structure and autonomy. As she immersed herself in this new field, she began building a strong professional profile and gradually developed a portfolio. Clients started to notice her work, appreciating her keen attention to detail, critical thinking skills and ability to generate new insights from complex data sets. The positive reviews, along with the trust of returning clients, reinforced her confidence.

The Cracks in the Mirror

Despite building a life that should’ve felt “right,” Nia was still struggling. The silence that once comforted her became suffocating and loneliness began to creep in. She longed for companionship, and this reflected in the shows she binged like Girlfriends. She would listen to their banter while folding laundry or cooking dinner, lingering in scenes where Joan and Toni teased one another in the kitchen or where Maya’s quick wit lit up the room.

The more she tried to ignore the longing for connection, the more persistent it became. It snuck up in the sound of laughter from a neighbor’s apartment, in the sight of a table of friends clustered around coffee and conversation or in couples laughing together in grocery aisles. She often found herself wondering what it would feel like to exist that comfortably around another person.

Something wasn’t aligning and the question began to arise more often:

I’m I just being true to myself or did I simply find a way to live around the fear?

The Reframing

One night, she went looking for answers.

With her laptop balanced on her knees, she typed: “Why is being around people so exhausting?” At the top of the search results was a video titled “Introvert, Social Anxiety, or Depression?”¹ The discussion hosted by Kyle Kittleson and featuring clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani, explored the fine distinctions between these often-confused experiences.

“Introversion is a preference for solitude,” Dr. Ramani explained, “while social anxiety stems from fear of judgment or rejection. Introversion is your way, while social anxiety is in your way.”

This was Nia’s first encounter with the term Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD). As Dr. Ramani outlined its symptoms: an intense fear of judgment, avoidance of social situations, and physical responses like flushing, trembling, or a racing heartbeat, memories began to surface. She recalled moments when she had skipped family gatherings under the pretense of being too busy, avoided school social events and remained quiet in workplace meetings even when she had something to contribute.

---

Curious about what Nia’s past holds? Follow her reflections in Chapter 2

---

Footnote

1. The YouTube video aims to clarify the often-overlapping concepts, (introversion, social anxiety, and depression) helping viewers better understand themselves and others. ↩︎